My Thoughts on Graduation

I enjoy graduation ceremonies just about as much as I enjoy driving in ice and snow.  In fact, I think I might just prefer to drive in bad weather conditions OVER attending graduation ceremonies.  For fear of looking like a pessimist, or a woman with a bad attitude, rest assured that I am NOT jaded like this about any other kind of ceremonies.  In fact, I think most of my friends would agree that I usually go OVERBOARD for significant events.  Here are some of my thoughts about it.

I can understand why some people look at graduation as a day to remember.  Just making it through high school successfully can be an accomplishment for their child.  In our family, it's not that way.  Not only are our kids expected to finish high school, they are expected to finish at the top of their class.  Considering a student must maintain a "D" average to graduate from State College Area High School, I don't see it as much of an accomplishment that my kids passed the test.

I cringed when the acting superintendent of the school system stood to speak (our formal superintendent resigned after being convicted of a DUI) and said to the students, "This will be one of the most memorable days in your life."  Really?  I know that Ethan would definitely not count graduation as a day he remembers, and when I think of my boys, I speak knowing what days they value most:  the days they were ordained to the different offices in the priesthood, HOBY days, the days they earned Eagle Scout, the days we lived in Europe.  Looking to the future, it will be the days they come home from missions, having worked tirelessly, the days they are married in the temple, the days their children are born, the days they graduate from college and move onward and upward.  Those are days they will remember the rest of their lives.

Graduation to me seems a mere formality for the kids as they leave one school for the next.  They passed the test of high school and will start up classes in the fall.  Now college graduation?  That's a BIG deal!

So why do I detest the ceremonies so much?  Because they remind me of the painful moments I experienced in high school, and also bring to mind all the struggles my children faced.

Let's start with the class president.  Nice guy.  Didn't seem too smart, but he knew how to get a laugh.  He spoke for nearly 15 minutes, while the two valedictorians and the one salutatorian merely stood up and waved.  Where's the priority here?  In the same place it always is in high school:  in the hands of the popular kids, not the smart kids.

Despite the fact that Mark earned more music awards throughout his high school career and actually participated in events outside of school to further his musical career, he wasn't chosen for one award from the music department.  Why?  The teachers in the department allow the students to vote for every winner of every award.  Seriously?  Whom do you think they will pick?  The most talented, or their friends?  The friends won every time, and none of them are serious musicians.  This is high school.

The senior class video was a joke, and a bit embarrassing.  A video was shown of senior prom and kids grinding during the dancing.  Only the friends of the kids in charge of the video were shown in the video, several of them more than once.  Was there one musician shown?  No.  They were all hugging and saying how much they would miss their friends.  I am still friends with only two kids from high school, and I think Ethan stays in contact with one.  Mark says that as soon as he's in college, he's filtering his Facebook list.

One other thought.  Graduation (and high school for that matter) is no indication of future success.  When John went back to his 10-year high school reunion, he was the only one there who was in the process of obtaining a graduate degree.  This from the boy who was raised in abject poverty and who hung out with the "burn outs" and smokers behind the high school because they were only ones who would treat him nicely despite his shabby clothing.  For THAT, I am so proud.

I AM happy for Mark (and I was for Ethan) in that they are leaving one of the socially hardest times in their lives for a time and place where they will work with people who share the same intellectual and career goals.  As Mark said when he was at orientation for the University of Michigan and where he had already made new friends, he felt badly for those kids he left behind who were still posting about their friends in State College and who will be attending Penn State with all the same friends.  He's grateful for the new experiences he will have, and the new people he will meet, and he's looking forward to this new chapter in his life.

And for that courage and maturity, I say "congratulations" for graduating, Mark!