Learning Life's Lessons

It was a tough Sunday on me yesterday. Since it was ward conference, John actually taught Sunday School—it was a good lesson. I really didn’t want to go to Relief Society, and if there had been some way for me to avoid it, I would have. However, all signs pointed there, and trying to be dutiful and faithful (and show Heavenly Father that I will continue to be obedient), I headed in. It was miserable. It didn’t help that I could occasionally hear the Primary children singing. Too, I started thinking about what I did last time when I felt this way. Yeah, training for and running in a marathon isn’t really an option (which actually made me start crying right there, in Relief Society). The only thing that got me through the sad thoughts?

Our bishop, Bishop Holland, had spoken in sacrament meeting, and low and behold, he spoke on “trusting in the Lord”, something I have been thinking about since conference. You know, I have been through this kind of situation before, where I feel discarded and worthless, and I know how I spin into a bad cycle of hating people and hating life. I really want to show Heavenly Father that I have learned from those experiences and that I can do better. If I trust him more, maybe he will trust me with more. So, Bishop Holland read a scripture that I have heard a bajillion times in my life, but it never meant more to me than yesterday. It’s Proverbs 3:5-6:

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

It makes no sense to me that my skills and talents aren’t being utilized at this point. However, I have seen in the past that all things work out for good, and I know that I need to trust that Heavenly Father knows what he is doing. Besides, I’ve seen so many miracles in my life over the past few years that I can’t deny that Heavenly Father is personally vested in my life.

So, as sad as I was feeling, I didn’t come home and take it out on anybody. I just put on a happy face and made grilled cheese for dinner :-) Even John gave me the opportunity to vent, and I didn’t take it. I knew if I talked about my feelings, I would just get feeling worse. This morning, when I woke up, I felt a sense of accomplishment. Afterall, feelings of hopelessness, despair and depression come from Satan. If I had let them overtake me, I would be giving into him. By resisting the urge to feel bad, I feel like I resisted Satan. It’s the best I can do for now!