Happy 20th Birthday, Ethan!

{I have promised myself that I'm not going to shed even one tear while writing this....}

So, today is Ethan's 20th birthday.  20 years old!  I'm not sure which is crazier--him turning 20, or having a son that is 20-years-old!  This is the first birthday of his where our family has not been together.  Even last year, we drove down to DC in the afternoon to take him out to Cracker Barrel (and we drove back that night).  I was glad to hear that his district went to Pizza Hut to celebrate, and I'm hoping that somebody sings to him.

When I think back 20 years, and try to remember what life was like then, I can hardly believe that John and I were brave enough to have a baby when we were so young.  Neither of us knew much about anything at that point, but one thing we did know was that we were supposed to have a baby.

When we went in for the first ultrasound, John didn't want to know the sex of the baby, but you better believe that I did.  So, the doctor wrote "BOY" on a slip of paper and sneaked it to me when John wasn't looking.  I looked at the paper later that afternoon and was so disappointed.  Yes, isn't that terrible to say?  I was incredibly disappointed.  Knowing nothing about babies, and knowing even less about boys, I had wanted a girl.  However, I couldn't let any of this show because I didn't want John to know that I knew what our baby was going to be.  (I know, it's a great way to start off a marriage--subtlety and dishonesty).

For the next four months, we went back and forth on names.  Actually, I take that back.  We knew that if it was a girl (and of course, I knew it wasn't), we would name her Miranda.  The boy name?  We had no idea. In fact, John started calling the baby "Baby MirandO", just masculinizing our girl name :-)  John wanted a very traditional name (Mike, Dave, Dan), and I wanted a unique name (Gabriel, Nicolas, Dane).  I would spend hours pouring over our "1,001 Baby Names", trying to find a compromise. I will never forget the moment when I suggested "Ethan" to John.  He liked it immediately, and I knew we had a winner.  At the time, nobody was naming their boys "Ethan" and in fact I got a good deal of grief and confused looks when I had to constantly correct people about his name not being "Nathan".  I remember feeling rather disappointed that it didn't have multiple meanings, because I wanted to have a good reason for naming him Ethan since it wasn't a family name, and I didn't want to say we named him that "because we just liked it".  There was one definition in the book:  steward.

And here's where I will blink back the tears....

Never in a million years could I have known how appropriate his name would be.

As other babies came into our family, Ethan became a steward to all of them.  In fact, from the moment Mark could hold a G.I. Joe, Mark and Ethan have been best friends.  I can remember wanting to foster good feelings between my kids after hearing the horror stories from other people about the fights they had with their siblings (and not understanding it, being an only child myself).  I would ask Ethan to sit down and read a book to Mark, or to go play Legos, or G.I. Joes with him, and he always would.  As they grew, they had some crazy adventures together, especially attending German school together and riding the train to and from Trier every day.  I always knew that Ethan would watch out for Mark and would take care of him, and he always did.  When we finally returned to the States, Ethan "grew out" of Mark a bit and wanted his own room that he could keep clean, and he would get really frustrated when Mark would make them late to seminary, or school.  However, he never lost that sense of responsibility, nor did he ever stop loving Mark.

Although his relationship with the girls is different, he watched out for them also.  I think it was an "ah-hah" moment for Ethan when he started seeing how much Johannah was like him.  He took great joy in seeing more and more similarities in their personalities.  And Glo?  He thinks she gets away with bloody murder, but loves her anyway.

I couldn't have asked for a better "first" child.  He has been a stellar example to all of the kids of how to do things.  From the time he could read, he read the Book of Mormon cover to cover, and then started over again.  He got his Eagle at age 13 (an amazing feat), earned his Duty to God, he speaks four languages, was an examplary student and is a great leader.  In fact, I have to laugh when I think about his HOBY fan club :-)  During the times when I've had physical problems, Ethan has thought of me before himself.  In fact, I miss his phone calls when school would let out.  He would want to know if there was anything he could pick up, or do for me on the way home.  He would drive the kids places they needed to be and never, ever complain.

Even now, when he's half a world away, he reminds Mark that he needs to go on a mission, he tells Johannah to beat off the boys, and cheers on Glo, knowing that she's the only girl to go out and play dodgeball with all the boys and beat them.

Even though he's not here, I wish my Golden boy a very happy 20th birthday.