The world values responsible people. When one person falls through on what they said they would do, or what they were supposed to do, it not only affects how people view them, but it affects what happens to others.
My mother is very globally-minded. She feels that our responsibility as humans is to protect this earth. Short-visioned people (who I find tend to find fall in the Republican category) see the earth as functioning perfectly, and no matter what we do now, the earth will still be here and in the same shape for the next generation. The all-powerful dollar is the most important thing. If businesses succeed (no matter the cost to the environment), good for the business! It’s the mentality of “There’s plenty of earth to go around, and no deeds of mine will affect others”. People with long-term vision (like my mother) see it as our responsibility to take care of the earth now so that it is still in pristine shape for generations to come. She is especially worried about the wolf populations. Although just a small niche in the environment, the loss of wolves affects other populations which affects tree growth and pest control and a multitude of other issues. I must admit that since I have been spending more time in the oceans and under the water, I can see the difference in the attitude of different countries. Some reefs are beautifully preserved right next to the shore, because the government doesn’t allow the fishermen within miles of the shore. In other countries, we must take boats way out into the ocean because there’s nothing left to see nearby.
I firmly believe in teaching responsibility to children. Granted, I haven’t done a perfect job, because I still pay for my kids’ cell phones and they still leave their clothes on the floor. However, both John and I have tried to teach the kids that they need to make responsible decisions. Things that they do now, and choices they make now will affect their lives for years to come. Despite the fact that I have raised all of my children in the same environment and in generally the same way, I have one child who struggles with items of responsibility while the other three tend to take care of everything on time and in a responsible manner.
Yes, you guessed it. It’s Mark.
Mark, unfortunately, gained character traits from both John and me that function in a negative way in his biological chemistry. John procrastinates. He openly admits it. He likes to put things off until the last minute. Sometimes, it’s of necessity because he’s so busy, but if watching TV is a choice along with writing a talk for Sunday, TV always wins. He still gets the talk written, but usually just hours before he needs to give it. From me, Mark inherited a fear of rejection. He worries that people won’t like him for what he is, or they won’t like what he’s asking, and he avoids the whole situation by not dealing with it.
I have to laugh at this moment. Ethan (generally) is the picture of responsibility. Yes, when he was younger, he slipped up at times, but when I look at the amount of responsibility he has always held, being the oldest, I find it easy to forgive and forget those rare moments. He has naturally always played the role of older brother to Mark. He would remind Mark of paperwork to turn in for music festivals, he would keep Mark’s calendar of events and remind him to bring whatever he needed, he even learned how to drive all over the country by himself while Mark still struggles to figure out how to get across State College. It’s not a navigation issue—it’s that Ethan took the time to figure it out, and Mark just relied on Ethan. Before Ethan’s junior year in high school, he begged me to give him a separate bedroom from Mark. Ethan likes things clean and neat. Mark couldn’t take responsibility for his things. They were everywhere!
Clothes aren’t that big of a deal, but other things are. It often takes someone to light a fire under Mark to get him to complete the important things, things like practicing. It took Angela telling Mark that it was the time to decide if he wanted to be serious about music to get him to seriously practice. Look at the fantastic results that came of that “motivation”! Good choice, Mark! If I have told Mark to do something repeatedly (like turn in forms at school) and he continues to forget, I have to threaten him with no phone, or actually paying money per day (to me) for every day that he procrastinates. I know it works because he gets the deed done, but without motivation, he can be a lost cause.
For the most part, my kids deal with issues that affect only them. However, I have tried to instill in them social responsibility. Growing up, I appreciated those kids who reached out to me when I started a new school, or kids at church who didn’t judge me for being just a bit different. I frequently remind my kids that because their lives are so easy and so good, they have a responsibility to reach out to others. They need to take the good life that they have been given and share some it. Even when kids are treating my kids poorly (can we say random stand partners?), I try to remind them that we don’t know their stories. Maybe those kids have hard lives at home. Maybe they are going through family difficulties that affect how they feel. Maybe they don’t feel loved. No matter how much my kids want to avoid the trouble, I instruct them to reach out to the kids and “share the love”.
Here at Interlochen, camp life can be hard. 99% of the campers here are living in spider-infested cabins, with no air conditioning in 95 degree heat with high humidity. They have two showers for up to 16 kids, and toilets that regularly overflow. They must walk everywhere on campus. My kids are living the high life, being day campers. They come home with me to air conditioning, non-cafeteria foods, and they can ride bikes everywhere. When I would visit the kids in years past (when they were boarding campers), they were so happy when I would check them out of camp for an evening, take them to dinner and to a movie. At times, I rushed Mark to the barber because he was showing sides of impending Muppethood. I would bring candy to Johannah.
I wanted to share a bit of that happiness with the kids here at camp that are friends of Mark and the LDS kids that I see at church on camp every Sunday. For two weeks, I’ve been planning a get-together at our house. All the kids had to do was call their parents and ask them to send in a revised permission slip that allows me to check them out of camp. I planned pizza, and s’mores, and movies and swimming in the lake for the afternoon and evening. When I mentioned this to the kids, their eyes light up. All Mark had to do was give them my information and really “talk up” the experience. I could envision up to 20 kids coming.
A couple of kids (really only two) have come up and told me that they got the permission slip from their parents and they are ready to go. I can see how excited they are to come. I love the fact that they took responsibility and got their ducks in a row. One camper, Danny, a trombonist, is very popular and many of the girls want to come because he’s going to be there.
I asked today, and Mark hasn’t said a word to anyone. Not a word.
Danny hasn’t gotten the form. He’s not going to be able to come.
In other words, both Mark and Danny failed on their responsibilities. Mark had the chance to share something good with kids who, at the moment, have less, but he not only put it off, but worried that they wouldn’t want to come. My question to him is “How will you know if you don’t ask them?” Then, I caught Danny today and asked him about his form. Mind you, he and his parents have had two weeks to do this. He told me that his parents have been really busy and are travelling now. Maybe they can call in? Nope.
It pains me, as a parent especially, to see kids drop the ball. The responsibilities are so small at this age, and it takes so little effort, but again, they are teenagers. Their main thoughts are on themselves. They take no responsibility for others. As much as we try and teach them, at some point it has to be something they internalize. Their choices affect others, and depending on those choices, it can be in good ways, or in bad.
I will give credit where credit is due. Mark has been super responsible about music this summer. He has not only continued to audition here on horn with new music every two weeks (and continued to place 2nd chair), but he has maintained ensemble practices and performances, performed with the choir on the side AND been practicing for his Michigan auditions in a month. Yesssss! Great things, and I’m sure his conductors and ensemble members are greatly appreciative of his responsibility in those matters. However, the trick to life is keeping all the balls in the air, don’t you think? I would say the ball that needs to stay highest is the one that brings happiness to others.
In other words, our highest priorities should be to others. We should be responsible to helping others navigate this tricky world. We should be trying to help others be happy.
I'm stepping down now off my soapbox. I’m done.
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