So incredibly disappointed, and yet so proud

So, here I am, laying in bed for the fourth day in a row, feeling like a slug and so frustrated with life. I just finished a text conversation with Hannah. She's about to check in at the Intermediate Girls' camp at Interlochen, and unbelievably, I'm not there with her. I can't even begin to express how sad I am about that. It's her first time at Interlochen, and there has been so much build up to this moment. Practicing for months on the viola, choosing electives, reviewing camp locations, and RED SOCKS (the craziest, most anticipated part of a girl's uniform in her entire Interlochen career). The other night, Johannah tried on everything to make sure it all fit, and I was so excited to pack it in the bag, knowing that I would see her in a couple of days with all of the other girls in the same uniform. Instead, here I am, laying in bed for the fourth day in a row, feeling like a slug and so frustrated with life.

To Hannah's credit, she has rolled with the punches like no other. The ankle was broken Wednesday night, and Thursday, John found a dad and her daughter driving up to Interlochen from State College. Friday morning, she hopped in their SUV, not knowing them from Adam. She spent two days with them in the car, in a hotel, eating meals, watching movies, and I didn't hear one complaint.

Then, once she arrived at Interlochen, she was handed off to the other physician and his wife, Joel and Gay Gordon, our good friends from last year. Again, she had never met them but wrote and told me how much fun she was having. She stayed with them last night, and they graciously showed her around, took her out to eat, played Bananagrams with her and are now (even as I write) helping her register. Not one crabby word from her about any of it. Instead, here's a piece of our conversation:

L: How was your evening?
H: It was great! We went out to pizza and ice cream. Then came home and played bananagrams! I've never had so much fun with people I just met!
L: Did you win? Aren't the Gordons the best?
H: I laughed too much to win. We were having so much fun. And yeah the Gordons are the best!
L: Are you excited for tomorrow? You're going to do great.
H: Thanks Mommy! The support from you and Mark makes the world a much brighter place! I'll be thinking of playing it for you during my audition! I love you and thank you for letting me come to Interlochen.

Even when it started raining, she said it was good because everybody was in the same boat--wet, excited, nervous and ready to go. She sent me a quick photo while she was waiting in line, in the rain with her cellphone's camera. What a trooper.



I'm hoping this never happens again. The pain of not being there for my daughter is more excruciatingly painful than my broken ankle.