Tender Mercies

Over the last few years, there has been a lot of talk about "the tender mercies of the Lord". While it seems to be a popular phrase now, it has actually held a lot of meaning to me for many years.

A couple of months before my dad was killed in a glider accident, I had a few precious weeks to spend with him, getting to know him. I feel like the memories I have from that time are like snapshots--a quick flash here and there of things that we did together. I remember that my dad wanted us to watch a movie together, a very specific movie called "Tender Mercies". I must admit at the time, I didn't quite get it. I didn't understand the significance of the movie and the history/relationship between him and me, and I didn't know why he wanted me to watch it with him. To this day, I'm still not sure I understand what that specific movie had to do with anything, but I have come to hold the phrase "tender mercies" near and dear to my heart because it meant something to my dad.

Of late, people use the phrase loosely to define blessings in their lives. I think tender mercies are more than that however. I think they are blessings that are unexpectedly sent to us by the Lord at times when we don't know that we need them but which help us beyond measure.

For the last two weeks, I think that there have been times that the only way I have kept going is through the tender mercies of the Lord. I'm not sure why he's sending them to me now, because I haven't felt very close to him. I've placed a lot of blame in his lap for giving me this trial now, and I don't expect him to be very happy with me, but he has continued to show me unconditional love.

The biggest tender mercy that I have experienced is feeling that there are people out there who care about me. I have received phone calls at times when I almost didn't think I could make it. These phone calls have come out of the blue from people who rarely ever, if ever, call me. I think it was a day or two after the initial accident that Katrina, my sister-in-law, called. I can't say that Katrina and I have been especially close through the years, but last month we had a lot of time to get to know each other, and I think I (at least) discovered that we get along beautifully. I was so thankful when Katrina's name came up on the caller ID. She is such an incredibly busy person, and I was so touched that she took the time to call me. John had already gone back to work, and I was feeling really alone and sad. We must have talked for over an hour, and yet it felt like minutes. Afterwards, I felt like I could keep going.

Then, the next day, John's sister, Beth called me too. I have felt really close to Beth over the years, but I was overly sensitive to something she said last year, and I hadn't spoken to her since. I was beyond grateful that she was courageous enough to pick up the phone and call me. I know I'm not an easy person to talk to when I harbor bad feelings towards a person, and I think she only did it with John's encouragement, but I didn't care. She took my mind off the pity party I was holding for myself at the time. Thanks, Beth.

I don't know what memories Glo will have from this time, but I'm sure they will be significant. She has had to grow up mighty fast over the last two weeks, waiting on me hand and foot and exhibiting more patience than Job with my emotions and drug-enduced mood swings. She often stays inside all day, just to stay close to me and help me, when other kids her age are outside, playing and having fun. I hope as she gets older that she will appreciate that I could have done none of this without her. Literally. For the first five days, I couldn't even move in bed--not to answer the phone, not to sit up, not to roll over. She was there to help me. Not once have I heard her complain or not be willing to jump up at my call. Her presence here at this time is truly a tender mercy of the Lord.

A less significant mercy, and yet one nonetheless for me, concerns Johannah. Since Johannah began studying violin, it's been tricky to find a teacher that is any good. I keep looking for one that will be a good fit for her--one who motivates, who teaches and helps Johannah progress. She called me yesterday, and I asked her the three things that she loves most about Interlochen expecting her to talk about friends (which she did), or the food (the salad bar is a big hit), or the red socks (that too came up). The most surprising one? Her viola teacher at camp. Johannah could hardly express to me how much she loves him, and she's only studied with him for two weeks. She said that if it was possible, she would want a lesson with him everyday during camp. This is a new idea for Johannah. She left home, still viewing practicing as work and not completely appreciating playing the viola. However, I feel like God gave her this teacher to show her what she is capable of. Dr. Hinkie is inspiring her to play better and then is actually showing her how to do it. I have been looking for someone like this for the past five years for her, and how thankful I am that she at least has a taste of a good teacher now.

Today, the wife of one of John's colleagues at work (and his closest friend there) took me out to lunch. Then, she drove me around and let me run errands. I could have done it all by myself, but how nice it was to not have to do so. She worried and fretted over me which may seem silly, but it let me know that someone cares about me. I was so thankful for the tender mercy of Mel today.

Too, my closest friend here in State College, called me from Utah today. She had cried over the photos of my x-rays and then cried some more when she heard that I was struggling. Again, I was so thankful for the unexpected sympathy of her kind soul.

Just now, a friend from work emailed me, worried. This is what she wrote when I told her that I was really struggling:

Honey, you are the sweetest kindest person ever and you have been thru so much. Chin up girl. Remember you aren't given more than you can handle. You are such an inspiration to many. ((hugs)). Love ya! :)

I'm sure that the Lord is sending many more tender mercies to me of which I am completely unaware. However, during this time when I'm just trying to make sense of my life and when I'm fighting tears and depression on an hourly basis, I'm thankful for the simple ones of love and kindness and friendship.